For the Love of Lucy, Ikigai, La Familia and Joie de Vivre

From the Archives - February, 2019

The last thing I thought I would be doing at 2:00 AM the day I returned home from the trip of a lifetime was writing a blog entry. (It’s now 30 hours later, and I’m done!)

We returned home late Monday afternoon, only for me to hear the news that my mother, Lucy, passed away on Saturday while we were in Amsterdam. The family, including Donna, decided it was best for me to get the news on my return home. We realistically would have never made it home any earlier. The return flight was a mere thirty hours away. Going home earlier didn’t make sense.

I want to thank my brother Kamal and his wife Colleen publicly; my children Tara and Chris and their significant others; nephews Karl and Adam and their significant others. Myra is my sister from another mother. Mom was Myra’s Canadian mother! They were all with mom through her last days. I know it wasn’t easy, but I genuinely appreciate what you went through.

Writing and sharing images, or as I call them “Captured Moments,” is a cathartic exercise for me. I’m inviting you to meet Lucy through some of these pictures. I also invite you to a deeper place in my heart and mind. Most are from the safari; some were imported to complete the story.

Sami was the love of her life. His best friend was Lucy’s brother Alfred. Sami and Alfred would double date and bring their dates to Teta Marie's home. She was Lucy’s mother and my maternal grandmother. Lucy made sandwiches for all of them. She must have made great sandwiches because it lured Sami away. They were married for over 62 years.

They were married for over 62 years. Dad was entirely in charge and had Mom's permission to say so.

Lucy, in many ways, embodied love and life. I’m borrowing terms from other languages because they seem to fit in. Often, you could hear Mom and Dad speaking in two or three languages in the same sentence. When pressed, they answered, “I didn’t realize I was doing that. I just used the words that made the most sense.”

IKIGAI, joie de vivre and la familia are collectively the embodiment of Lucy’s life and love.

The Japanese have “Ikigai,” whose meaning translates roughly to a reason for being, encompassing joy, a sense of purpose and meaning, and a feeling of well-being. The word derives from iki, meaning life and gai, meaning the realization of hopes and expectations. That’s Lucy! “Joie de vivre,” a joy of life, also describes her. She brought joy to every life she touched.

I’m not an expert on animal families, but I got excellent schooling on the safari. Elephants are unique in families and stand out for their love and nurturing of the extended family. Like elephants, Lucy adored her family!

The Latin term “la familia” comes up when thinking of mom.  In ancient Rome, “la familia” was the family, community, servants, and enslaved people. Lucy had a fantastic network of family, friends and a church community that she loved beyond words. She always wanted girls but was blessed with two sons. Our wives became the daughters she never had. Then, grandchildren started arriving on the scene. At first, it was Karl, then Tara, Chris and Adam. She loved them all, and each one felt special.

After the children came the grandchildren, great grandchildren, adopted daughters, extended family, church community and clients…there was always a tremendous capacity to be all loving.

Lucy the nurturer

Ever vigilant

La familia

Fiercely protective

Gentle

Lucy had an amazing capacity to love, but it was the little ones that she adored.

We all got to share the love, but there was still a capacity for more; the great-grandchildren came along!

That wasn’t enough. She and Dad accumulated “adopted daughters” and loved them as much as any parent would love a child. I won’t name any of my adopted sisters for fear of missing one or two of them and hurting feelings. They know who they are!

Dad used to say he had a very professional law practice in Egypt, then again in Canada. It wasn’t until he hired Mom as his receptionist that his practice became a family-oriented office. Clients would have to go through the “Lucy interrogation” before being allowed to enter the inner sanctum where Dad was the king. She would find out where they were from, their marital status, and how many children they had. Names, as well as their ages, were extracted from the unsuspecting people. Suddenly, Dad was invited to client weddings, christenings, and their children’s weddings. I used to say Mom had the second-largest Christmas gift list behind Santa.

The more the merrier, there is always room at the Inn!

Still more capacity, there is always room at the Inn and dinner table, the more the merrier!

Before I shift away from the office, I have a story.  We all have many stories, but one still stands out.  Mom, much like Dad, was anything but a techie. When Dad finally went into a sole practice, by necessity, Mom became his receptionist. Her new job as receptionist meant she would have to answer a phone with many extra buttons. Getting a grasp of all the additional buttons was difficult at first. A case in point was the young lady calling from a payphone. She called asking for Sami, but no problem. Lucy, instead of putting her on hold, hung up on her. The woman called a second time, and Mom hung up again. Finally, the woman called a third time and begged her not to hang up because she was using her last quarter! Lucy was a quick learner…after this episode, she knew what the hold button did.

What can I say about her deep love of the extended family at Saint George and the Egyptian club. I can’t forget the Friday night friends and Canadian friends. There were the clients who became lifelong friends. You can’t overlook the neighbours or condo friends. Wait, I almost overlooked her community at Holland Christian Homes or her Southbrook friends. She touched many, many lives!

It was always about you and not her!

Regardless of her health and feelings, Lucy always prioritized others. She would inquire about you and your family before anything else. This was evident in her nightly calls with my brother at 9:30 PM and my morning calls on my way to work. We would update her on the family and our days. Her phone was always buzzing with calls. I once calculated that during her sixty-two years of marriage to Dad, she spent over six-and-a-half years on the phone!

The Saint George Connection

Lucy's devotion to St. George was unwavering, a commitment from a personal incident in Egypt. This connection was so strong that if Dad couldn’t take her to her beloved church on Sunday, she would insist on driving past another church. As long as it was named St. George, where she would make the cross sign - AND that was all she needed to stay in touch.

The St. George family also became important when she and Dad could no longer make the trip. She would ask Lillian Scott to light a candle or two, depending on who asked her to pray for them – it could be a job interview, health issues or whatever the concern was. Mom charged five dollars for that candle and then asked Lillian to light it up on her behalf. If Mom and Dad ever had an anniversary party or birthday, it was always an opportunity to have donations made to St. George instead of a gift.

It would be best if you got Lucy better by now. Today is her funeral day. Just like when Dad passed away, the pain of the loss is enormous. However, I know that, in time, knowing the immense number of lives she touched positively will help. It will be the big picture and small things that I will remember, bringing a smile to my face.

I will miss opening her fridge door and stealing a piece of cheese. After she passed, we were cleaning her room. I opened her fridge one last time, and there was a piece of cheese. That last slice of cheese from her fridge tasted oh so, so good!

There is comfort in knowing she is no longer suffering and is reunited with and walking beside Sami now – the place she truly belongs!

Reunited with Sami

No longer apart

Farewell for now, Lucy, wife, mom, mother-in-law, grandmother, great-grandmother, adopted mother, and fierce protector…it sure has been a fantastic journey, and you’ve touched many people. The world is indeed a better place because of your massive footprint!

Please share this in memory of Lucy.