The Essence of Bobbie Munroe

Relentlessly friendly (as a friend describes me) ~ Curious
Empathetic ~Insightful ~Fun ~ Straightforward (in case relentlessly friendly doesn't count as two words)

(Not many negatives, but the drugs have helped so much with the anger.)

Whenever Bobbie Munro is the subject of a conversation, I am unsure if the conversation starts or ends with, “I love Bobbie.” I do know that everyone in the conversation would agree instantly.

One must spend time in a room with Bobbie to truly appreciate her. When Bobbie describes herself as “funny,” it is not a simple boast; she has done stand-up comedy routines in front of as many as 500 people. She has the most unusual way of telling it like it is, with her inimitable wit. One never has any doubt about what her opinion is. She is not afraid of that opinion being unpopular. She is not afraid to take a stance.

She is one of the most dedicated and giving people. This is especially true in her profession as a financial planner. She makes a positive difference at every level. She has been involved at the National and regional levels of the various financial planning associations.

Like me, Bobbie has a client-first outlook. Whatever is the right thing to do, whatever sound bite or major discussion is needed at the time, is on the menu. There is no pulling punches, but Bobbie has an inimitable way of ensuring the other person gets the right message.

Bobbie is a natural magnet who attracts people like bees to honey. She is at ease with the most prominent person in the room and the newcomer to the gathering.

She is a gracious host who accommodated our friends Yvonne, Donna, and me for a couple of nights on our way to a conference in Florida. Someone else might take a visitor to a local store or some sights. We spent one day fishing in the pond with Bobbie at the family compound. Having unrestrained conversations with friends in a beautiful setting made for a truly memorable and quality visit.

One of the first things I do when I think of going to one of the Nazrudin Project retreats is to check who else is attending. These people are my tribe, but there is still that little extra “YES” when I see Bobbie’s name on the attendee list.

Left to right: Bobbie, me, Donna and Yvonne

What has been your biggest challenge, and how did you overcome it?

I grew up in an ultra-conservative family. For those who don't know him, Daddy was John Bircher, the originator of many ideas that William Buckley and the very far right championed.

In 1960, my brother and I won the Halloween parade in our small town. In 1960, we were dressed as "Uncle and Mrs. Sam" (my costume included a red tutu, of course) and carried a "Vote for Nixon sign." My brother and I would wear our scout uniforms and wave the flag in the Veteran's Day Parades. By 1968, Daddy was convinced that Nixon was a socialist and supported George Wallace (I am back in my small southern town, and when people on the right say, "Your Daddy would have supported us," I reply, "Yes, but he supported George Wallace, and that's a train I won't board.")

I cast my first vote in 1972 for Nixon, and I think I was one of the only one of my friends who did. Damn, those liberal colleges. I continued to vote Republican for years... until 1992. That year, the Christian right controlled the Republican convention, and they were dead set on taking away women's rights. That horrified me so much that I became a single-issue voter that year and cast my ballot for Bill Clinton. I thought this straying was a one-time thing, but I never looked back and have voted Democratic ever since. Now, this is about more than changing parties. Many of my beliefs were seriously challenged once I dared to peek at the other side. This was compounded by the rapid increase in my charity work with the at-risk community over those years.

· No, poor people weren't lazy. Most of them worked harder than other people I knew. They had to.

· The Civil War was about the “state's rights..." Sure it was.... to allow slavery.

· Despite their mantras, the Republicans were not fiscally conservative. Ronald Reagan's idea of Trickle-down Economics, once called Voodoo Economics, was a joke—and a harmful one, as the gap between the haves and the have-nots in America exploded.

· Christians shouldn't have any more rights than the other religions of the world.

The list is much longer, but you can see what I mean. It still seems funny when people today think I have always been a liberal. When they wonder what my daddy would think, I reply, "He would be proud that he raised a daughter to think for herself." And I believe that.

At some time, you reached a fork in the road. At that time, it didn’t feel like it, but looking back, you realize it was a big moment. One that changed your life. Describe yours.

I cheated as I did know this was a big deal. It was August 25, 1969. I was sleeping in my Daddy's bedroom when the "help," as it was called in the deep South in the 1960s (second mother would have been most accurate), entered the room at 6:00 AM. "All we have is gone." I tried to shake off the sleep, but understanding what she meant took me a while. Daddy had taken his relatively young, relatively new, six-month-pregnant wife to D.C. and New York. They were in the Algonquin Hotel (NYC), a venue that seems to insert itself at various times into my family life, when, in the middle of the night and at age 46, he suffered a widow maker, a massive heart attack that took no prisoners.

Now, things had not been good in our house. My mother had died 6 years earlier in a car wreck. Initially, I had welcomed a woman into our home, as the years I spent with just the boys, my Daddy, and my younger brother, Tuck, left me hungry for female companionship. But my relationship with my stepmother deteriorated quickly, and I was beyond depressed. Thankfully, I had taken refuge at boarding school. But what the hell was going to happen next?

The bottom line is that I spent the next 10 years only seeing her occasionally. My family, Scottish and thrifty, had never been big spenders. However, I never had a want that wasn't met until then. I had a big family (Dad was the 17th of 18), but for the most part, they did not realize the degree to which my brother and I were virtually abandoned. Over the years, I've understood she was a young woman with three young children, and she didn't know what was next either.

Tuck and I didn't know what was supposed to happen, and we didn't realize that aunts and uncles were unaware. I was basically on my own. Other families pitched in and helped; they gave me a place to stay for the summer or perhaps for the holidays. In the years that followed, I would form an extraordinary relationship with my Uncle Dick (the 16th of 18), or rather Uncle Daddy. But at first, things were dark.

My parents left me with two things that sustained me: they taught me how to work for what I wanted at a very early age, and despite their demons, they loved my brother and me unfailingly and passionately. My aunts would lament over the years how cheated I had been. I told them it was all a "gift" in its way. And it was.

My path has been challenging, but it has made me who I am. I learned the value of life and relationships much earlier than most. This knowledge shaped me. I discovered the joys of a simple life as, at first, that was all I could afford. This all reminds me that, in the present, you might think something is good or bad, but you only know once you are far enough away in time to gain perspective. When I turned 25, I finally received my inheritance. It was the late 70s, and the money almost killed me. But I found my way back to a simple life that I love most intimately. And everyone lived happily ever after.

I reply, "He would be proud that he raised a daughter to think for herself." And I believe that.

What is one gem you learned on your journey that you would love to share? Alternatively, what hint would you tell a younger version of yourself?

· Be yourself. There is an old Jewish proverb: "If I am not me, who will be?" All of this is challenging. But you can work on it over time, and your efforts will fertilize your garden.

· As for what I would tell a younger self, and I steal from Eleanor Roosevelt, "When you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." And I did.

· I tell others that when they make a mistake, be as kind to themselves as they would be to a friend who had done the same thing. Just be kind all around. It goes a long way.

· I would remind them that giving generously of yourself and your resources is the only way to get the most essential things in life.

As corny as it sounds, it is true that the only thing you can control is your attitude. So, even in the darkest moments, try to think of how you can learn something and go from where you are to a place much better than where you were.