The Essence of Mary
Spiritual, Resilient, Generous, Independent,
Good Sportsmanship, Joie de Vivre
However, one of my former university professors once told me, “When you fall, you always rebound like a ball.” This comment summarizes my essence and still describes me today, in my golden years.
Mary and Emmanuel
I am biased, but I was glad this lady accepted the “Essence” project challenge. Mary is my Godmother and my dad’s first cousin. She gifted me my first camera. I was eight or nine years old in a hospital in Cairo at the time. I believe they were on their way to Canada.
She and her husband, Emmanuel, were very close to my parents. We would camp on the sandy shores of the Red Sea, where no tree was in sight. When we came to Canada in 1964, we stayed in their apartment for three months. Our first camping trip in Canada was to Algonquin Park; it was momentous for me. The ten-year-old in me had no idea who had the time to plant all these trees. Algonquin Park has been magical ever since.
It is safe to say that she has been one of the most instrumental people in my life. She is considered the family matriarch and historian and is adored by everyone. Meet this dynamo in her words.
My Brother and I at the Red Sea in Egypt.
Mary and Emmanuel took us to Algonquin Park for our first camping trip in Canada. Circa July 1964
What has been your biggest challenge, and how did you overcome it?
My biggest challenge is physical, and I am still fighting it.
I was born with funny feet, and following my mother’s recommendation, I always kept them covered. My right foot had a club foot ailment, and the left had crooked toes. The midwife had decreed, at my birth, that I would never be able to walk in my life. My loving parents rejected this diagnosis. They started fighting it with all the medical treatments available at that time: surgery when I was 2 years old, then a cast 10 years later (it made shooting a soccer ball unstoppable). Custom-made shoes helped me walk comfortably... More importantly, my father encouraged me to be physically active and participate in every competition open to children. I remember one race where I ranked 6th out of 20. Out of breath at the end of the race, I apologized to my parents for not winning. They congratulated me on my efforts and registered me for the following competition.
As I grew older, it was up to me to continue overcoming my challenge. I participated in all the usual recess games at school: running, playing football, and jumping. I even took the lead in climbing the forbidden trees and fences. At university, I played on the basketball team and during the annual sports day, I participated in the obstacle race open to all female students. I received a gold medal, but it was not for winning – it was for losing and laughing at myself (I could not drink a bottle of Coca-Cola fast enough while holding onto my potato sack). I also won a cup for having the best sportsmanship spirit among female students in the Faculty of Arts.
However, after living in Canada for over 60 years without adequate corrective shoes, I felt my feet deteriorating daily, challenging my stability. Yet, I joked that I could dance better than I could walk. (Author’s note – She was the liveliest dancer at a recent family reunion. She was ninety years old!) I bought a cane and a walker to help me “rebound.” Now, at 95, I persist in not giving up; I hired a private therapist to help me overcome my challenge and live as normally as possible for a 95-year-old senior.
The lady who speaks with her hands.
Looking back on your life, can you recall a moment when you faced a crucial decision or a fork in the road, a choice that significantly altered your journey? What is one such example?
Looking back over my 95 years, I noticed that, in my adult life, I faced many unexpected circumstances, or “forks’, that made me change paths (Bursary, Marriage, the Dictator - Egyptian President Nasser; Emigration, Motherhood, Careers, Retirement, loved ones passing…) However, after a deeper review, I recognized, to my surprise, that all those bifurcations were made possible by one initial “Fork,” High School Graduation. Rejecting the traditional route taken by all my female cousins (staying at home to be groomed for an arranged marriage), I chose to pursue my studies at the University of Alexandria with the perspective of a future career. That was the big moment that turned my life upside down. My parents encouraged me to try my new wings on that new road alone. (I can still hear my mother’s voice: “You are vindicating me.”)
My new life at the Faculty of Arts was very challenging. I found myself in a new setting, mingling and mixing with students from different backgrounds. Some became lifelong friends who helped me navigate the university's intricacies. There, I witnessed firsthand what my parents would term “Real Life,” thus broadening my horizons.
My first experience happened as I had been barely 2 months in: one day, immersed in a lecture, the classroom door was burst open by a congested-faced student shouting, “Fellow Patriots, GET OUT...” It scared me stiff. This student had come from the nearby politicized Faculty of Law, and he was rallying our arts students to manifest against a tepid, corrupt government. (It was 1948, and the Arab/Israeli war was on). Later, I understood how easy it is to stir a movement or a revolution through an eloquent speech (of which my friends and I took advantage. When we wanted a day off, we’d ask the eloquent Khadr to provoke a strike). We had understood “Politics.”
Another experience had been to watch firsthand the effects of “Hashish” on no other but the serious Captain of our field hockey team. He was supported by another student and kept giggling silly at anything pointed to him. I always describe this sad, degrading image to all the youngsters around me to caution them about the danger of drugs. One of my male friends told me that “Hashish” was used regularly, once a month, by a group of male students to appreciate better the monthly concert given by our national Diva (Om Kalthoum). He also opened his hand to show me a tiny piece of hashish. I quickly discovered many different living experiences with my new friends, who would tell me about their lives, their problems, and the future they hoped to achieve. I was maturing daily, learning to tolerate rather than criticize and reject differences.
On the other side, the French Department developed my intellect. We had five young professors, two of whom became famous internationally as “Structuralists” and who arrived from France. They introduced us to the latest trends in French literature and criticism (that I used in my Ph.D.) and constantly engaged us in intellectual discussions. They also became close friends, opening the door to the French culture, way of life and caustic spirit, where my naiveté was often its object. All these interactions prepared me for my future independent life, which diverged drastically from my female cousins. My “Licence-es-Lettres” opened the door to my teaching career in the public system, and that helped me gain a scholarship to Paris, where I met and married Emmanuel, the love of my life…
I chose to keep the ball of my adult life rolling as smoothly as possible, from fork to fork…
What would you tell a younger version of yourself?
I was lucky to have wonderful, loving parents who cared for me, chose good schools to develop my intelligence, encouraged my initiative, and helped me learn from my mistakes. They taught me to be an independent, responsible person step by step. I could freely navigate life’s ups and downs thanks to that moral background.
I also believe that if you must give up something, you will receive ten times more in return.” This old Middle Eastern saying proved to be accurate at numerous times in my life:
Emmanuel, my mother, and I gave up our beloved Egypt to immigrate to Canada. We were allowed a small amount of money. However, we were ready to face life with courage, and life smiled back in return. It started in the plane where Emmanuel won all contests; then, to our delight, we were allotted first-class seats when we changed planes in Amsterdam. That good omen persisted in Toronto. After struggling for 3 years, we managed to be rewarded: I became a part-time lecturer in French at Glendon College, and Emmanuel did research in an Engineering Firm; we bought a house and became parents to 2 adorable boys. On top of all that, we both received a scholarship toward Ph.D. studies.
My mother was expecting to have her money sent to her after the sale of her properties in Cairo. A year later, she learnt that her money had disappeared. The shock gave her a stroke. However, her family doctor was able to obtain for her a lifelong widow’s pension that largely compensated her loss.
I had secured a full-time dream job teaching French at York University. I was busily preparing my first Stylistics Lecture when Emmanuel called to inform me that he had accepted a lucrative offer from the new “Universite de Sherbrooke” to teach full-time at the Department of Engineering. I had to resign from York University, and we all moved to Sherbrooke. However, I soon found part-time employment teaching Literature at the Faculty of Education. It essentially made up for York. It was an absolute pleasure to have bright francophone students eager to learn. In the Summer, adult teachers needing extra credits chose my course. On top of that, I had access to the rich university’s library and could write my thesis and have it typed.
I could go on and on. Each loss was indeed “returned ten times more.” (Moving to Montreal, after sending 43 turned-down applications. The best college, VANIER, accepted me. Back in Toronto, I went from Academic Dean to Acting Head at Toronto French School. Once I retired, I became a caregiver for my mother during her last year. Ultimately travelling and sailing with Emmanuel). I thank God for everything. When I am low, I pray, light a candle, and life smiles again.
Each one has a blessed route and is born with a particular skill. It is up to you to find it and develop it. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses is primordial. If you need a push or a solid hand to move, ask for it. Superman is a myth. I had good parents and sincere friends, and I continue to need sympathy and affection. Look around you and learn. You learn first from your own mistakes. And from what you don’t like in others. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t find work immediately. Trust your lucky star.
AMEN
