The Essence of Tara
A life-long learner who loves to laugh (and challenge silly rules)
Tara is our daughter. A book with this theme would only be complete if it included her and our son, Chris.
As I mentioned in the chapter featuring Chris, Tara is an exciting combination of the best of us and showcases some strange aspects of our weaknesses. That’s my theory about parenting. If you ever want to see a reflection of who you are, look at your children.
Tara can assess a situation and think creatively to find an appropriate outcome for everyone. She always believes there is a better way to approach things and a win-win solution.
Several stories sum up Tara’s attitude toward life. Like me, she thinks that if you have some mishap that will be funny in five years, you may as well start laughing now. Life is too short to take seriously. The many cakes and other treats attempted to evidence this. A case in point was the pumpkin-shaped cake, where the top layer collapsed onto the bottom. Anyone else would have thought it a disaster, but not Tara. She took pictures of it and shared them on Facebook.
Tara is a teacher and, to her credit, has the most fantastic way of reacting to circumstances that would test any person. She thrives on the opportunity to make a positive difference in her student’s lives.
Tara is a fantastic example of a loving, caring and compassionate parent who will compromise nothing to achieve a happy, healthy daughter.
Meet Tara, in her own words.
What has been your biggest challenge, and how did you overcome it?
My biggest challenge has always been myself. More specifically, the constant running dialogue in my brain connects ideas and asks questions to make sense of the world and the people around me. It often leaves me overthinking, inferring, projecting, second-guessing, and criticizing myself.
Over the past few years, I've focused on understanding how and why my brain works the way it does. The best way to label it without over-labeling is to combine neurodivergence and mental health. I'm working to shift, challenge, and accept my everyday reality through self-reflection, therapy, and putting one foot in front of the other.
Let me be clear: I still need to overcome my challenge. I continue to deal with myself, but I'm learning to be kinder and more patient. I will get overwhelmed and scattered, but I am finding ways out of it rather than staying in the chaos. I give myself grace and recognize that I cannot compare myself now to the person I was five, ten, or twenty years ago. I still have rollercoaster emotions, but I can see the ride for what it is. I continue to be grateful and recognize the small things like the silly notes my daughter leaves for me or the glistening dew drops on spider webs. I stop and ask myself if I am treating myself the way I would treat a friend.
After rereading this, I'm going to refocus and reframe it. My biggest challenge may be myself, but I'm also my own greatest strength in overcoming it.
Tara, as a Youngster
At some time, you reached a fork in the road. At that time, it did not feel like it, but looking back, you realize that was a big moment. One that changed your life. Describe yours.
I have so many different moments when I look back and realize that my life changed course.
One of my favourite movies of all time is Sliding Doors. In it, Gwyneth Paltrow's character experiences two completely different timelines - one where she makes the train and one where she misses it. I know my exact Sliding Doors moment.
January 2, 2004: I chose between going out with friends to celebrate my high school sweetheart's birthday and hanging out with a new guy with whom I had a couple of fun dates. One of those two is now my ex-husband.
If you can laugh at something in five years,
you may as well start now!
As a child, I was determined to be a zoologist. I loved animals and learning so it was a logical choice. My family and friends would challenge me on it: what kind of a zoologist was afraid of animals like hamsters, dogs, and goats? Domesticated animals are entirely different than walking with an elephant or swimming with piranhas in the Amazon River, or at least that's what I said. I was also proud of the fact that I was steadfast in my career path for as long as I could remember.
All of that changed when I started volunteering with a Sparks group as a Pathfinder. One of the leaders asked me if I had ever considered becoming a teacher because of how well I worked with the kids. From that moment on, my career path changed entirely and I haven't looked back.
First Day of School photo
Other forks in the road include:
- having Ri so early (27 weeks, 6 days) and delivering her in the hospital on my own
- I decided to switch schools in September from a primary job (grade 1/2 split) to an intermediate-level job (grade 7) after the principal mispronounced my name yet again
- getting seriously ill and being hospitalized while going through IVF for a second baby
- the moment crossing my first official 5K, realizing that the one person who I should most want cheering me on wasn't there
- meeting Ari's eyes when we first met at a group meet-up at Boston Pizza in Keswick
What one gem did you learn on your journey that you would love to share? Alternatively, what would you tell a younger you?
My journey is a treasure hunt - I keep collecting gems.
Learn to listen to and trust your gut. It is more reliable than following your feeling heart or your rational brain. You may seek others' opinions and advice, but ultimately, you know what you must do, even if it's uncomfortable.
If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you. Nothing worth doing is ever easy, but it is worth it. That anxiety feeling is your body's helpful way of giving you the energy to get through it.
If you're going to laugh about it one day, you might as well start today. That one is from my dad, the author of this book. I'm fairly sure he never expected me to cite it when sharing cooking mishaps and clothing malfunctions on social media.
Tara and her baby brother, Chris.
Photos: Courtesy Dan Bodanis
People will treat you the way you let them treat you. Maintain your boundaries and expect respect. If someone's disrespecting me, I've learned to ask how I've disrespected them. When they can't say how, I follow it up by asking why they feel it's okay to disrespect me.
To my younger self, I would tell her to slow down and enjoy the journey. I would encourage her to look for gems, but she needs the experience of uncovering them for herself.
